人生是一场大型的服从性测试
Life, a Test of Compliance.
最近有两句话一直在脑海里盘旋。
一句是“世界是一个大妓院”，另一句是“人生是一场大型的服从性测试”。
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今天发布了2024年的公共假期安排，除夕夜不放假的消息震惊大家。我一上微博就觉得这个b世界真是疯了，这场闹剧究竟还要演多久？演我的一辈子吗？
最近在思考是先读研还是先工作，反正只有一个诉求，就是不想回国。以前还是有打算回国的，想着还是回国工作一两年，至少要在大城市闯荡生活一下吧。今年回国实习三个月以后，这种念头被彻底打消。前不久看到一条微博说，中国的老板根本不是资本家思维，他们是奴隶主思维。国内职场最让我不能接受的点是不知道自己每天什么时候能下班。每天都在看眼色，每天都在经历各种服从性测试。虽然大部分人在职场做的都是狗屁工作，但没有截止时间的狗屁工作会模糊工作和生活的界线，让我既没有办法好好生活，也没有办法好好工作。
今天朋友在生气没有办法交电费，银行界面无法支付，电力公司软件打不开时顺带骂了泰国。他说这个国家没有救了，没有发展前景了。后来我跟他再讨论这件事时，他说泰国应该要有中国的服务速度，应该加强这些基础的便民服务。他说泰国没有自己的技术专利，全靠比它先进的国家扶持帮衬，这样是没有前途的。他很气愤，我很不满。我突然意识到自己很讨厌从一个发展得很好的发展中国家的视角去评判东南亚，甚至更多更落后的国家。
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在和向飙的访谈录《把自己作为方法》里，他提到自己对于新加坡的见解。“新加坡不可能有一个确定的自我，因为它的自我总是被别人所定义，所以要时刻观察全球的、地区的局势，让新加坡成为一个重要的中介国家（brokerage state）……新加坡这么小，但它有高度的智慧，small but smart，不断去观察别人，把自己嵌入，因为总是怕自己被别人抛弃。而“大”就总是从自己出发，觉得别人不能定义我，我要定义别人，不是去观察，而是去定义，动不动就反对这个宣扬那个，智慧程度反而慢慢降低了。”
某种程度上我觉得不仅是新加坡，这种把自己当作“中介国家”的处世之道应该是所有东南亚国家共享的一种思维。
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我不喜欢从高往低处看待其他国家是因为我知道，我们之所以发展如此迅速，在生活的方方面面得到质的飞跃，这一方面建立在中国历史的复杂性上。我们没办法只做站边的角色，而是有朝一日想成为某一个选择本身。另一方面是因为，任何的便利性都建立在对服务方工作人员的压榨上。而这个服务方是别人，也是我们自己。为什么国内职场那么无休无止的加班、调休、996……因为想要让劳动者创造更多的价值，去推动这个行业的标准线。曾几何时淘宝店客服6点以后就找不到了，只有自动回复，然后是八点，最近一次我11点找人工客服依然找得到。方便吗？当然方便，对于我是消费者的时候来说。但如果我是加班不加工资的客服的时候呢？那我还会开心吗？
我回想起某次坐在清迈的一家咖啡店外桌。那家咖啡店门上写着七点关门。七点零二分，员工已经把灯关了门锁了，告诉我们坐门口的顾客可以继续坐在这里，但是他们要下班了。
泰国的很多酒吧是午夜关门。十二点亮灯，十二点半左右所有客人就撤出场地，员工再花费十多分钟简单收拾，关门回家。他们不会加班打扫的，是几点下班就是几点下班。
我们小区的物业，八点半以后找不到的，关门下班了。
老师、夜市、食堂，周末也是休息的。
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这难道不应该是共识吗？下班的时候就是下班。我想我喜欢泰国的原因之一就是生活节奏慢，每个人都很佛系，至少有明确的上班下班概念。当然，这带来的反面效果就是服务体验肯定没有国内那么好。
很多事情是一体两面的。站在不同的身份看相同的问题，评价和感受也会不同。
那既然往下看是说这些不那么发达的国家没救了，从源头就有问题，那么向上看呢？看欧美，看发达国家，看他们的服务速度是否能媲美呢？很多方面也不能，甚至更差。因为他们的人工更贵啊，他们的工作者福利更多啊。既然向下和向上都达不到我们习惯了的服务速度，那只能一边享受，一边承认被压榨，然后少说两句吧。毕竟我们都会被压榨的。
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最近还在上一节东亚文学课，以中国文学为轴心，讲东亚几国的文学。这过程中难免就要提到古代历史。在泰国，用英语，以法国老师的带领看中国历史，中国文学，以及唐代、宋代的影响，是一种新奇的体验。一方面，真的会感叹中国以前真的是东亚巨龙，影响之深远。另一方面我在听了韩国、日本等国的历史后也会感叹，一生操劳勤奋自我压榨互相压榨的东亚人啊！某种程度上，东亚各国的文化底蕴其实有一部分是共享的，所以似乎更能互相理解各自的挣扎和难处。总之我会觉得，东亚国家的文化真的很压抑，很压迫。其中当然有光鲜绚丽的部分，但往深了望，总有一丝苦楚。
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回到今天发布24年放假安排的微博转发区，我看到有很多人说“求下辈子投胎去西方极乐世界”。只能苦笑，一种没用但喊出来能好受一点的语言。
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最后还想聊一下权力关系。听了一期由《再见爱人3》出发的播客，讲“浪漫爱关系”的前面应该是“权力关系”。男女性别之间有权力关系，亲密关系之间有权力关系，社会各处都少不了权力关系。失权的男人和获权的女人都一样迷茫。人生好复杂啊，赤果果地来，然后被各种东西束缚包裹，终其一身我们都在挣脱束缚然后再次被束缚，在博弈，在探索。但是人生好有意思，因为似乎只要愿意承担后果和责任，我们就拥有绝对选择的权利。
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就这样吧，认识到这里，我还是愿意说，爱是可追求的，生活经验是可探索的，人生是旷野，让我们飞吧。
该文章写于2023年10月26日
English ver.
Today the 2024 public holiday schedule was released, and the news that Lunar New Year’s Eve would not be a day off shocked everyone. As soon as I opened Weibo I felt this damn world had gone crazy — how long is this farce going to last? My whole life?
Lately I’ve been thinking whether to go to graduate school first or start working first. Either way I only have one request: I don’t want to return to China. I used to plan to go back, thinking I should at least work and live in a big city for a year or two. But after three months of internship back home this year, that idea was completely erased. Not long ago I saw a post saying Chinese bosses don’t actually think like capitalists — they think like slave owners. What I cannot accept most about the domestic workplace is never knowing when I can get off work. Every day you read the room. Every day you undergo various obedience tests. Most people’s work is bullshit anyway, but bullshit without a deadline blurs the boundary between work and life, leaving me unable to live well or work well.
Today a friend got angry because he couldn’t pay his electricity bill — the bank interface wouldn’t process payment and the electricity company app wouldn’t open — and he cursed Thailand along the way. He said the country was hopeless and had no future. Later when we discussed it again, he said Thailand should have China’s service speed and strengthen these basic public conveniences. He said Thailand has no technological patents of its own and relies entirely on more advanced countries, and therefore has no prospects. He was furious; I felt uncomfortable. I suddenly realized how much I dislike judging Southeast Asia — or even less developed countries — from the perspective of a well-developed developing country.
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In Xiang Biao’s interview collection Using Oneself as Method, he mentions his view of Singapore:
“Singapore cannot have a fixed self, because its identity is always defined by others. So it must constantly observe global and regional situations and become an important brokerage state… Singapore is small but smart, constantly watching others and embedding itself, always afraid of being abandoned. The ‘big’, however, always starts from itself — believing others cannot define it, that it must define others. Instead of observing, it defines, frequently opposing this and promoting that, and its level of wisdom gradually declines.”
To some extent I feel this way of positioning oneself as a “broker state” is not unique to Singapore but shared by many Southeast Asian countries.
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I dislike looking down on other countries because I know our rapid development and qualitative leaps in everyday life are partly built upon the complexity of Chinese history. We cannot simply stand aside; someday we want to become one of the choices itself. On the other hand, every convenience is built upon the exploitation of service workers — who are both others and ourselves. Why are there endless overtime, adjusted rest days, and 996 in domestic workplaces? Because labor is pushed to create more value and raise the industry’s baseline. Once upon a time you couldn’t find a Taobao customer service agent after 6 pm, only auto-reply; then it became 8 pm; recently I could still reach a human agent at 11 pm. Convenient? Of course — when I’m the consumer. But if I’m the underpaid employee working overtime, would I still be happy?
I recall sitting at an outdoor table of a café in Chiang Mai. The door said closing time was 7 pm. At 7:02 the staff turned off the lights and locked the door, telling customers seated outside we could keep sitting, but they were getting off work.
Many bars in Thailand close at midnight. Lights on at twelve, all guests leave around 12:30, staff spend about ten minutes tidying up, then go home. They do not stay overtime to clean — closing time means closing time.
The management office in my apartment complex cannot be found after 8:30 — they close and leave.
Teachers, night markets, cafeterias — weekends are also rest days.
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Shouldn’t this be a shared understanding? When work ends, work ends. One reason I like Thailand is its slower rhythm; people are relaxed and at least there is a clear boundary between working hours and off hours. Of course the trade-off is that service experience is not as efficient as in China.
Many things have two sides. From different identities, the same issue feels different.
If looking downward means saying less developed countries are hopeless from the start, then what about looking upward? Europe and America — can their service speed match ours? In many aspects it cannot, sometimes even worse, because labor costs are higher and worker welfare is greater. If neither upward nor downward matches the service speed we’re used to, then we can only enjoy it while acknowledging the exploitation — and maybe complain less. After all, we will all be exploited.
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Recently I’m also taking an East Asian literature course — centered on Chinese literature but covering several East Asian countries. Inevitably it touches ancient history. In Thailand, in English, guided by a French professor, viewing Chinese history and literature and the influence of the Tang and Song dynasties is a novel experience. On one hand I marvel that China truly was the great dragon of East Asia, with far-reaching influence. On the other hand, after hearing the histories of Korea and Japan, I sigh at East Asians — lifelong diligence, self-exploitation, mutual exploitation. To some extent the cultural foundations of East Asian countries are partly shared, so perhaps we better understand each other’s struggles. Overall I feel East Asian culture is deeply oppressive. Of course there are brilliant and beautiful parts, but looking deeper there is always a trace of bitterness.
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Returning to the comment section under today’s holiday announcement reposts, I saw many people say “I hope to be reborn in the Western Pure Land next life.” I could only smile bitterly — useless words, but saying them makes one feel a little better.
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Finally I want to talk about power relations. I listened to a podcast inspired by Goodbye Lover 3 discussing how before “romantic love” comes “power relations.” There are power relations between genders, within intimacy, everywhere in society. Powerless men and empowered women are equally confused. Life is so complicated — we arrive naked and become wrapped in constraints; our whole life we struggle to break free only to be bound again, negotiating and exploring. Yet life is interesting because as long as we are willing to bear consequences and responsibility, we still possess the absolute right to choose.
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That’s all. Having realized this much, I still want to say: love is worth pursuing, experience is worth exploring, life is a wilderness — let us fly.
Written on October 26, 2023
